Where has all the chocolate gone? 

I'm not addicted – I don't sweat, shake and vomit like Jamie Foxx trying to impress the academy members when I don't get my fix.

I am not prone to substance abuse or addiction. I assume that is mostly some luck of genetics, nurturing, brain chemistry and simply being too lazy to commit to something that generally sounds exhausting. I do however, have a mighty powerful hankerin' for chocolate but now, all the chocolate  is gone.

During the holidays there was a surplus of chocolate. So so so so so much chocolate. At some point I worried if I could "catch" diabetes from chocolate, then realized that is ridiculous and you can only catch diabetes from a diabetic. I was also concerned that chocolate was bad for my teeth. I did away with this worry by following some solid dental hygiene practices. It may have crossed my mind about weight gain, but let's be honest, that's never stopped me before.

Yet in the interest of general health and maintaining the ability to bend at the waist, I thought I should wean myself from such excesses. Clearly, I did not foresee that would lead to a situation where there would be no chocolate. Now this reality lies before me and I have to admit, I'm worried. I'm not even sure how it came to this point? Honestly, there was so much chocolate and now there is so little. There was chocolate in every drawer, in every nook, in every cupboard. There was milk chocolate, dark chocolate, orange flavoured chocolate, orange flavoured dark chocolate, chocolate with coconut, chocolate with almonds, chocolate with hazelnuts, chocolate with ganache, which yes, is chocolate with other chocolate. Now there is so little I'm a little worried.

Not "worried" worried. Anxious? No. Miffed? Yes, I'm a bit miffed that my desire for chocolate is strong enough that I'm polishing spoons with my tongue after dipping them in Nutella. I've long toyed with the idea of giving up on sugar, but that would mean no chocolate, which seems like a silly idea. It should be noted that the chocolate industry has for years worked its marketing magic on us. "Chocolate is good for you, especially dark chocolate, which is full of antioxidants" (it is not). "Chocolate is an aphrodisiac" (sure, whatever). "A gift of chocolate, like diamonds, is a sign of true and pure love" (a true and pure love of chocolate at least).

Recently, my family shared a photo of my aging mother, whose health has not been great lately, but there she was, smiling. Why? Had she just been visited by a sweet great grandchild? No. Had she just been informed of my health and happiness? Certainly not. Was she simply happy to have visitors? Maybe. The truth was she had just had a bit of chocolate, which is all the validation I need that a bit of chocolate goes a long way. I don't have to give reasons for loving chocolate. It's chocolate. Of course, I'm not addicted – when I don't get my fix, I don't sweat, shake and vomit like Jamie Foxx in the biopic Ray, trying to impress the academy members. Yet, it is like a little ray of sunshine whenever I have it, and in the middle of a grey Toronto winter, I want all the rays I can get.