How to Remain Positive

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After another silenced spring for Leafs' fans, I've been thinking how not to let it get me down. I proposed finding a nice cave with a contemplative view of nature. With cave prices being what they are these days, an alternative might be to find a way to improve my attitude. A quick Internet search led me to the Mayo Clinic's page on Stress Management. I'd like to share some of their insights, if I may.

It begins like this:
Identify negative thinking.
Focus on positive thinking.

Well, that was easy. Unfortunately, we know the human mind doesn't work that way. You can't just tell someone who is worrying, not to worry and assume your work here is done.

Here is a list of actions to make your outlook more positive:

• Identify areas of change: I usually find change on the dresser and in the seams of the couch, but I suppose you could find change almost anywhere.
• Check yourself: not as easy as it sounds, but do so in a private area, fully nude.
• Be open to humour: dark, dark gallows humour? Check!
• Follow a healthy lifestyle, but leave room for chocolate.
• Surround yourself with positive people: basically, idiots, smiling, happy idiots.
• Practice positive self-talk: you can do it, no, really, you can!

Now that you've made positive changes for a positive outcome, some of the many benefits of positive thinking include:

• Increased life span - though I'm not sure why more of this misery should be increased?
• Lower rates of depression - consider the upside of a depression is a nice hill.
• Lower levels of distress and pain - avoiding stress and pain might put a good deal of BDSM dungeon keepers out of business. There's a downside to everything, I guess. Just ask a hill.
• Greater resistance to illnesses. I mean, living alone in a cave might achieve the same thing, but let's give positivity a chance.
• Better psychological and physical well-being. I'm not sure I follow the circular logic of some of these tips? Be better psychologically to have better psychological health?
• Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke. OK, now we're talking. Less stress on the ticker leads to better ticker health.
• Reduced risk of death from cancer. Wow. Negative Nellies get more cancer? I wonder if when you see a smoker shakily drawing on a dart, if it is the cigarette that will kill them or worrying about not being able to quit smoking that gets them?
• Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions. Take a breath to get a breath.
• Reduced risk of death from infections. Who needs a new approach to antibiotics when you can just be positive that science will one day be better at treating infectious diseases?
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress. Or, and I'm just spit-balling here, simply stop following Toronto-based teams.

Perhaps, get a hobby or something. Maybe try a long walk in the woods, until you reach the coast, find a nice dark, cool cave with a view of the ocean and contemplate that the Universe doesn't spend time stressing about stuff. It just keeps expanding at an ever-accelerating rate into the vast unknown, not once looking back over its shoulder, without regrets. Forever forward with a positive attitude.