Misfortune Cookie

You can't trust anything cookies say these days.

“Avoid agreeing with people merely to keep the peace.”
This was what was written, in red ink, on a tiny strip of paper inside a faintly sweet biscuit, known as a fortune cookie. Seems like good advice unless, its real meaning is not to be confrontational so as to make you more of a pushover. It is, after all, a piece of advice from a fortune cookie which are a Chinese invention so could it really be disinformation? Are they trying to plant ideas of weakness, conformity, and passivity into the Western consumer's mind? I was about to use my fortune cookie’s "lucky numbers" as a new password when I paused and wondered, "Is that what they want me to do? Easier to guess my password if you've suggested my password to me!" How many people have followed the advice of a fortune cookie without realizing it’s exactly what the people’s republic wanted all along? My eyes opened to the real harm of taking advice from a confection of dubious origin.

There's plenty of speculation to be found in Fortune Cookies. Look at these examples:

• "Do not be afraid of competition."
  I get it, open the doors and your borders to a massive trade imbalance. Sneaky.
• "An exciting opportunity lies ahead of you."
  We'll just around and wait then - if that's what you're after. We won't lift a finger when your jack-booted thugs knock at the door. 
• "Eat chocolate to have a sweeter life."
  Oh I see, they're behind the obesity epidemic too.
• "You love peace."
  Right mate, we put down our arms so your military could just roll right over us? Not a chance!
• "Goodness is the only investment that never fails."
  While they buy up our metal, mining and lumber conglomerates, we'll be too busy investing in "Goodness" to notice.
• "You will always be surrounded by true friends."
  Friends like you, you mean? Never mind about the spying, election interference and melamine in the baby formula.
• "You are wise beyond your years."
  I can hear your communique already, "You're such a young, baby-faced country that you could learn from a nation that is 2000 years old!"
• "Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far."
  Like when we're dealing with government and Communist propaganda, tariffs, territorial disputes and oh, yes, a cyber attack for fun!
• "It is easier to stay out than to get out."
  Which is exactly what you recommend about the China Sea, Taiwan and if we're lucky the Arctic Ocean.

These messages are insidious. They might as well say, "EV tariffs are bad for all.", "Be generous with grain.", "Precious metals are only precious if you have a buyer.", "Coal isn't as bad as they say." and "Drop your pork prices, if you know what's good for you." It’s all just a plot to make us fat, weak, and lazy. The worse of it is, it might be working. It goes so much deeper than you think. Did you know that the fortune cookie recipe actually came from Japan, before it was appropriated by China?!

There are still so many things we don’t know about China. For instance, the Chinese government’s intelligence agency is so secretive we don’t know what it’s called so we just say “Chinese intelligence agency” and who was General Tso and why is their chicken so delicious? Are they like the Chinese version of Colonel Sanders? We’ll never know. We do know one thing, we must stay vigilant and keep our eyes out for any suspicious fortunes dispensed by biscuits!