Monday, April 16, 2018

Stomach to Ground Control 


Image via the Florida Center for Instructional Technology

Me to stomach: Hey, what’s up?

Stomach: Um? How do you feel about staying home today?

Me: Why?

Stomach: Well… let me make my case in slow throbbing cramps that will eventually lead to decisive and explosive…

Me: Okay, Okay. The weather is total garbage today anyway. I can’t ride in this and walking will take 40 minutes at least.

Stomach: So it’s settled. Well, not me of course. I’m completely unsettled.

Me: What did I do to deserve this?

Stomach: Look, not everything is about you. Sometimes I just gotta let it go, you know?

Me: Oh, I know. Trust me. I know. Like that time…

Stomach: No, no, no! Not like that. But still, I’m saying, you know, take five that’s all. Just give us both a break.

Me: Sure.

Stomach: Hey! What’s that you’re eating?

Me: I know right? It’s so good.

Stomach: Put that down right now. I think that’s what got us into this mess to start with.

Me: What? This? No way! I love this. This is great.

Stomach: Sure. I hear you, bro, but trust me, you will regret it.

Me: Naaaah

Stomach: Uh… more like “Yeeeeaahhh!”

Me: You’re not the boss of me.

Stomach: Are you sure of that? Do you want to test that? Huh? Really? You want to push me?

Me: What are you talking abou… oh god… what’s happening??

Stomach: It’s happening!

Me: What is “it”??

Stomach: “It” is “IT”. Okay?

Me: oooohhh…

Stomach: I thought so. Now you just stay put and you know, try some flat ginger ale or something.

Me: What is it with you and “flat ginger-ale”?

Stomach: Trust me.

Me: It’s a little late for that.

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