Tuesday, March 08, 2016

That Fresh Warm Cotton Feeling 


Image via Designspiration

One sunny winter morning I opened the blinds and laid out the clothes that I planned to wear. By the time I had finished my shower my jeans had been soaking up the warmth of the morning light like a cat asleep in a sunbeam. Putting on warm pants is such a fantastic feeling it’s like being cloaked in a full body hug. That cozy sensation was exactly what it felt like when I held my fully functioning and recently repaired phone in my trembling hand. The shock of my joy left me sort of stunned then surprised at my relief.

Saturday evening, a brief moment of clumsiness had disabled my phone. It only has four buttons, but now the most important one and the touch screen were unresponsive making it slightly less useful than a paperweight. Who uses paperweights anyway? Perhaps playwrights who compose scripts on some windswept park bench or something.

Keep in mind that a phone is no longer a phone. It’s a very powerful, compact and expensive computer (though not as expensive as other computers) that happens to make phone calls. Like anyone with a smart phone, I use my phone to take photos and videos, check the weather, send e-mails and texts, read books and news, organize my work calendar, track my exercise, listen to music and even to change channels on my TV. Needless to say it’s pretty important. I’m not even the kind of person who is that absorbed by their phone. I often forget it at my desk at work or after putting it in privacy mode at the movies will forget to turn it back on until the next day. Yet without it, I felt abandoned and isolated. I desperately tried putting my SIM card into two older phones (which work fine by the way) only to find they weren't supported by my network, thus were almost as useless as my busted phone.
“panic was settling in my chest like a little bomb”
At some point panic was settling in my chest like a little bomb, ticking its way to detonation. I worried if I had voided the warranty, or that my Apple Care had expired. I went through scenarios of finding the cheapest possible smartphone. Worse yet, Apple may announce a new phone in a few weeks at a scheduled event and I would have just purchased a brand new obsolete thing. Luckily, most fears were set aside when the store rep said the phone would either be repaired in two hours or if unrepairable, a new phone would be provided under the extended warranty. Momentarily I dreamed of a phone with a refreshed battery and unsullied camera lens, only to realize there was one very important document on the phone that I keep in the notes of a little used application and it was not backed up. The whole reason that this document was so secret and not backed up was to ensure its security and there only being one copy was a part of that. The document is a little like a Rosetta Stone to all other documents so losing it could be a wee bit of a nightmare. This made the prospect of a new phone a whole lot less attractive.

In the end, in the whirring blur of the riotous war zone that is a Sunday at the Apple Store my phone was retrieved and I was released from my fears. Holding it, I immediately wanted to eat a massive piece of chocolate cake. I don’t know why. I just did. I wanted cake stuffed in my mouth as a fountain of cold milk poured over my face and a 20-piece funk band played celebratory love songs. The only way I can describe my joy was as if I had just pulled on a pair of warm, dry jeans straight from a heaven sent ray of sun, floating down before me. And as I soaked in that warm denim, a sonorous voice of great beauty and kindness said, “As it is now and ever shall be, your world without end begins at your fingertips and has a capacitive touch retina display. Rejoice in its lurid glory and is there anything else I can do for you today? Sir? Is there anything else I can help you with?” Surfacing from my fugue I regained my awareness and answered, “You’ve done more than you can possibly know. Thank you.” With that I turned and sought solace with only lightness in my heart and cake in my head. Or maybe a brownie. Yes a brownie would do nicely.

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