Not now, never or shall be

All the tea that's fit to spill.

Thank you for coming here today to hear my announcement. For the record, I want you all to know that I am not now, nor ever have been, nor ever was, nor ever shall be in a relationship with a now deceased sex-trafficking pedophile or his criminal accomplice.

Certainly, we may have moved in the same circles, ellipses, tangential lines, parallel paths, adjacencies, intersecting lines, x-axis, y-axis, or vanishing lines, but we were not in what you might refer to as a relationship. Of course, we were relational in the sense of different celestial bodies that have some kind of gravitational effect on each other and had seen each other across a room and may have, in what is considered societal common courtesy, approached one another and greeted each other in a non-committal arm hug (definitely no bodily contact). Perhaps our cheeks brushed against each other’s, causing a small electrical spark that merely reflected opposing charges, which in turn may have caused a sensation in the skin that stimulated a natural response in the limbic system. That response, combined with other senses inherently triggered, a tingling throughout the rest of my body in what some people may refer to as a domino effect of the nervous system that set off a sort of avalanche of hormones and burning desire, but that is a normal and a common response to meeting someone dangerous, intoxicatingly charismatic, and powerful. It's the type of contact you might have in a multi-coupling orgy with dozens of strangers in a darkened, poorly decorated room on a tropical island. I'm not talking about a weird "Eyes Wide Shut" kind of deal, but more of a bacchanalian, Roman affair where bystanders and servants kept a record of your number of orgasms throughout the evening (how else would you know who deserved tickets to the 50-50 door prize?).

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