My Monkey Mind 

"N is for Neville who died of ennui" from Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies

I recently heard a radio documentary about boredom and yes, the benefits of this misunderstood “universal emotion". I felt vindication. For most of my life when I felt boredom, I leaned into it. I always felt slighted by the expression that a smart person is never really bored. I feel boredom and secretly love it. Boredom remains a place where my mind wanders like a stroll in a tranquil forest. It’s where my day dreams live. I think of boredom as different from ennui which seems like a melancholic trap or from tedium which is more like anaesthesia for the brain.
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It's an Engine That's Running 

It's an engine and it's running. Maybe it's even a steam engine.

Since January I’ve been struggling with the worst kind of illness: one that is incredibly annoying but not serious enough that anyone gives a crap about. Cholinergic Urticaria. Prickly heats. Heat rash. I’ve tried every tincture, salve, cream, ointment, powder and potion you can name but it’s all nothing but temporary. A dose of cortisone or similar steroid usually does the trick but not this time. After describing it to a friend when he noticed I passed on drinking a beer (beer, wine and liquor all make it much worse) he responded, “I get it. It’s an engine that’s running.” Which really is the best way to describe it. It is an engine, it’s running and I can’t find the brake.
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